“Recovering from Co-Dependency: Cindy Lutz – Wisconsin”

I want to thank you for your gift of music. I have had your CD Songs For The Inner Child for many years now, have played it often, and find it still brings me great comfort.

A long time ago, in a search for refuge after another chaotic episode in our home, one sunday afternoon, I found myself in a local book store. I think I was desperately looking for some source of explanation of the insane existence I was living, and there, in the self-help section, was Melody Beattie’s book, Beyond Co-Dependency. It called to me, and I devoured the book. Could this be me? How could she know what I was feeling? Does this mean I’m not crazy? I’m not stupid? Is there more to this feeling of discontent than what I was being allowed, or allowing myself to believe.

Soon after, I became aware of and attended a retreat for co-dependents being offered locally. I truly believe this was divine intervention because, I still wasn’t sure what a co-dependent was, had not allowed myself to accept that this might be me, and certainly was not one to attend events where one might have to share any internal ‘hidden secrets’. Yet, I went.

It was there, all those years ago, the seed of understanding was first planted. The knowledge it was not ‘me’, or ‘my problem’ as I had constantly been told it was. There where I was first given the assurance I was perfect in every way as a child of God.

That was a long long time ago, and there have been many tears, heart breaks, days of searching, renewal, awareness, denial…at times, there still is…

Yet, that CD has been with me through all these days and especially through the nights. I can’t tell you the number of times I went to sleep with the headset on, and the sound of your voice singing me to sleep. Somehow surrounding myself with that sound only, gave me a sense of well-being, of safety, I had never had before.

I am further on my journey to recovery, and growth, now. And where at one time I used your music every night for months on end to reassure me, and give me a feeling of well being, I am now able to find that, sometimes within myself, and sometimes from other people I’ve been lucky enough to have with me through this ordeal.

But, as I prepared for bed tonight, I found myself once again looking for that CD, not out of desperation as I once did, but, out of a sense of comfort, and reassurance.

Once again, I thought of you, and your music. I had been unsuccessful, for years, in finding another copy of your music. Had even asked in music stores if they could order it, and they could not locate it. I had looked for you online years ago, and found nothing. At times, I even wondered if you actually existed, or if the one CD I had was a miracle from God, as no one else I talked to had been introduced to your music.

But, tonight, for some reason, I was drawn to the computer, just on the chance I might be able to find something now. And there you were, your web site, and even your music.

So, pardon me for my rambling, I know I’m a stranger to you, but, you are well known to me, and I wanted to tell you what a source of comfort and healing your music has been in my life. Thank you so much for helping me to know, I’m not ‘anything less than beautiful’, I’m not ‘anything less than whole’. May God bless you for the ministering you have done through your music. Amen.

Cindy Lutz
Stevens Point, WI