“A Song For Self-Acceptance/Recovery”

Not long ago I was part of a five day retreat sponsored by my employer where a group of 20 or so was allowed to be away from the work place and work together in some personal reflection and growth. We focused on core values and discussed, in a confidential environment, what all these meant to each of us, plus it gave us an opportunity get to know each other a little more.

Part of the first day was to bring a personal item that had deep meaning to us and then share with the group what it was and why it was so meaningful. For me I brought my military dog tags that I wore in Vietnam where I flew a medical evacuation helicopter. With some emotion, I shared that these were a reminder of the days where I tried to save the lives of others. I hoped, with some tears in my eyes, that somewhere a Vietnam veteran is walking around today because of something I was able to do.

The retreat progressed and we had opened up with each other more and more each day. Then on the fourth day, a very solemn part of the retreat was to take place. This is where we can share a very personal story with the understanding that whatever is said will never leave the room. This is where I shared that in July 2001 I started my recovery from alcohol. I shared the deep pain in my heart for all the harm I had caused my family. This was very painful to talk about, so openly and just pouring my heart out with tears streaming down my face.

After everyone had shared their personal stories, we stood in a circle, held hands and for the first time I heard How Could Anyone sung by Shaina Noll. The words, so beautiful, touched my soul and my heart. I stood there weeping through the whole song. What a perfect song and I needed to hear that, because I was still regretting the past and the pain I put my family through with my alcoholic lifestyle. This song, sung so beautifully by Shaina, told me that I could forgive myself and that I was a good person.

Since that retreat I have listened to that song many times and as I start to think of that song and the beautiful message, I begin to tear up. This song has touched my life deeply and I will never forget that moment when I heard it for the first time.

Doug P, Texas